Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
