You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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