If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
