honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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