worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
