it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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