Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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