Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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