i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
