I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
