When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
