one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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