I have demons in me.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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