I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
