I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Randomize
