I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
