So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
