It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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