I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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