How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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