She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to make out with him forever
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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