So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants