I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.