Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
