We're like a lot better than the average bears
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
