i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.