I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!