you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.