She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.