My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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