I will die if light touches me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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