I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
