I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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