well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
