Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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