My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
