My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
