My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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