OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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