dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
