Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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