Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
