dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
