he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
