Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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