i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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