Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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