is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
