We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
