Will you blow on my dice?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
