It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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