what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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