my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
