dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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