i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
