I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
