i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
is it fun? or sober?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
