You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
