Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we're making bets on your personal life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
