I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
