yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
