Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
