Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
