Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
