Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
