Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
