Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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