last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
