Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Even my vagina gasped.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
