Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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