The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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