you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
