Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
