Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
