True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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