Is it because I queefed?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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