I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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