This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
