So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This baby is an asshole
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
