she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
