You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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