You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
